The Cringe - feat. Patton Oswalt - “Crazy Ex-Girlfriend“

Buy the season 4 album here: “The Cringe“ Starring Patton Oswalt, Vella Lovell, Donna Lynne Champlin, Gabrielle Ruiz, & Rachel Bloom. Written by Rachel Bloom, Jack Dolgen, & Adam Schlesinger Security Guard: SOME PEOPLE ARE SCARED OF GOBLINS AND GHOSTS THEY SHRIEK AT A RAVEN PERCHED ON A POST “OH NO!“ THEY CRY, “IT’S A SPOOKY BLACK CAT!“ BUT THERE ARE SO MANY THINGS FAR MORE FRIGHTENING THAN THAT LIKE WHEN I ASKED A WOMAN I HADN’T SEEN IN A WHILE HOW LONG SHE’D BEEN PREGNANT, AND THERE WENT HER SMILE TURNS OUT SHE’D JUST GAINED WEIGHT; “I’M SO SORRY,“ I SAID AND WHEN THAT MEMORY FILLS ME WITH HORROR AND DREAD I DO THE CRINGE! I DO THE CRINGE! Heather, Paula, & Valencia: MORE THAN A TWINGE Security Guard: THE THOUGHT LEAVES ME AGHAST BECAUSE NOTHING IS AS SCARY AS WHAT LURKS IN YOUR PAST Valencia: BANSHEES AND GHOULS CAN GIVE A GOOD FRIGHT Paula: BUT THAT’S NOT WHAT KEEPS ME UP AT NIGHT Heather: I THINK ABOUT THAT TIME IN BED WITH MY EX WHEN I CHUCKLED AT HIS PENIS DURING SEX Security Guard, Paula, Valencia, & Rebecca: SHE DOES THE CRINGE! Heather: IT WAS A FULL-BLOWN LAUGH Security Guard, Paula, Valencia, & Rebecca: SHE DOES THE CRINGE! Heather: IT LOOKED LIKE A CUTE LITTLE PUPPET Security Guard, Paula, Valencia, & Rebecca: SHE DOES THE CRINGE! Heather: HE WENT SOFT AND CRIED Mr. Trapani: AND THAT WAS THE NIGHT THEIR RELATIONSHIP DIED! Gary: I TOLD A DATE I LOST MY WALLET SO SHE WOULD PAY Susan: I HOOKED UP WITH THE BASSIST OF SUGAR RAY Christopher: I GOT AN ANGEL TATTOO ON MY UPPER THIGH Tara: I GAVE MY MOTHER’S EULOGY COMPLETELY HIGH Devon: SEE, EVERYONE HAS SINS THEY WANT TO WASH AWAY Benjamin: I CAME UP WITH THE TOWN MOTTO: “LIVE. WORK. PLAY.“ All: WE DO THE CRINGE! Benjamin: IT WAS NOT MY BEST WORK All: WE DO THE CRINGE! Benjamin: IN FAIRNESS, I WAS ALSO HIGH All: WE DO THE CRINGE! Security Guard: REGRET CAN BE A BLAST WHEN NOTHING IS AS FUNKY AS WHAT LURKS IN YOUR PAST CRINGE DANCE! All: STUPID, STUPID, STUPID, STUPID AAAAHH! Rebecca: WE ALL HAVE SKELETONS Security Guard: REAL AND METAPHORICALLY Christopher: WAIT -- AREN’T YOU THE GUY WHO MURDERED ME? Rebecca: What? Security Guard: NOTHING THE CRINGE! All: CRINGE!