Caramelldansen playing in another room but it’s me at 35 years of age

I was born with severe asperger and a small amygdala which has only given me difficulties throughout my life. In my early day of up to 4-7 years of age my mom abused me physically for not doing what she expected me to do which has had negative impact on me. Like for example I was beaten for not doing caligraphy work for school properly to start learning how to write letters at the age of 5 and many such cases. Then later on starting from the fragile age of just 7 years, I was bullied and ostracized by 3 kids, against whom I hold a deep grudge even now, (like I cannot rest and put the past behind me until I have killed them or something similar because my vengeance is not satiated and I DO NOT care if an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind, if I had to be blinded because of them, so shall they), not just at school, but at an after-school as well because I had the misfortune of going to an afterschool to do my homework at the same place all 3 of them went (there were also other kids from my cla