Ben Assfleck Reunites with His Parents - SOUTH PARK
The Thompsons are reunited with their son, Ben Affleck. Cartman finds his funny again.
“How to Eat With Your Butt“ S05
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#SouthPark #SouthParkS05
EXT. MILK COMPANY - NIGHT
A crowd of townspeople, adults and kids, have gathered in front of the milk company to see the reunion of the buttheads and their son.
The President of the milk company stands proudly in front of his building wearing a cow print suit. The milk company worker is next to him.
There are two television stations covering the reunion, and both cameras are fixed on the President right now.
MILK COMPANY PRESIDENT
And so it is with great pride that have flown little Billy Thompson out here, to be reunited with his parents for the first time in twenty years.
Stan, Kyle, Craig and Kenny push their way through the crowd to get to the front.
MILK COMPANY PRESIDENT (CONT’D)
Mrs. Garthunk?
She steps forward.
MILK COMPANY WORKER
Thank you, Mr. President. I’m proud to be an employee of South Park Milk, which to date has found over a hundred thousand missing kids AND led the way in the fight against curdling. Mr. and Mrs. Thompson, your son grew up not knowing who his parents were, but he was strong and resilient, and ended up becoming very successful. I think it will amaze you, as it will all of us, to learn that your son is... BEN AFFLECK!!!
MILK COMPANY PRESIDENT
Come on out here, Ben!
The Thompsons look at each other.
Ben Affleck, with a photo realistic face now pushes his way through the crowd as SWEEPING, REUNION MUSIC plays.
BEN AFFLECK
MOM?! DAD?!
BUTT FACE DAD
SON!!!
BUTT FACE MOM
Oh son!!!
Ben makes it to his parents and they all hug and kiss.
In the crowd, Cartman walks up next to the boys.
CARTMAN
What’s going on?
STAN
Dude, the ass faces’ son is Ben Affleck!!!
Ben is standing between his two parents, who are kissing him on each side of his face.
BUTT FACE DAD
OH OUR LITTLE MAN!!!
MR. GARRISON
Wow, I never realized Ben had TPS, but I definitely see the resemblance now.
BUTT FACE MOM
I’M SO HAPPY!!!
(FARTING)
OH MY LITTLE BOY!!!
Both of them just continue to cry and fart all over Ben.
MILK COMPANY PRESIDENT
Isn’t this wonderful?
PHOTOGRAPHER
Okay, gang give me a big smile!
FLASH a picture of the three butt heads is taken.
KYLE
Well, looks like everything turned out alright for them.
CARTMAN
Yeah, I guess now we’ll have to call him Ben ASSfleck. HA!!! HAHAAA!! Ben Assfleck! That’s funny!!!
STAN
Hey, you’re laughing, Cartman!
CARTMAN
Hey, you’re right!
(Laughing)
Oh this is great! Ben ASSfleck! HA HA HAAAAA!
KYLE
Wait a minute! Don’t you see what happened?!
CARTMAN
What?
KYLE
Everything turned out okay for those people, and so now you can laugh!
STAN
Huh??
KYLE
When Cartman first opened the door and saw the Thompsons, he felt bad for playing a joke on them. Now that everything turned out alright, he’s able to laugh!
STAN
Woa, you’re right. Cartman had a feeling of remorse!!
CARTMAN
(Still laughing)
No, no, no... I blew a funny fuse.
KYLE
There’s no such thing as a funny fuse, Cartman. You felt bad.
CARTMAN
Whatever. All I know is I can laugh again... I’m gonna go home and eat another chocolate gun! C’mon Kenny!
Cartman runs off, and Kenny starts to follow him, but just then Kenny gets run over by a motorcycle.
CARTMAN (CONT’D)
HAA! HA HA HA HAAA!!!
STAN
Wow... Cartman actually felt bad for somebody and couldn’t laugh at them.
KYLE
Our little man is growing up, Stan. He’s growing up.
STAN
Yeah, I guess we ALL are. Maybe things are finally gonna start being more sophisticated around here.
The butt faces fart all over Ben Affleck.
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